A Hot Note

I have to go see about that asshole Sharif but thought I'd share this juicy tidbit with you before I attend to matters.

My sources tell me that Brad Pitt has been going through all sorts of problems with his love life, and at this point is unable of reaching orgasm unless an episode of Friends is on in the background during coitus. Needless to say, this psychosexual pathology is causing friction between him and AngJol.

Swear to Allah.

Would You Believe?

Can you imagine how annoying it would be if you walked into your living room one morning and Anderson Cooper was sleeping on your couch? I'd be angry as hell. I'm sure he'd have some fuck-slick excuse, but I'd put him in his place, and believe me, he'd have more than bags under his eyes when I was through with him. Don't laugh. This possibility is more reasonable than you might expect: Cooper can't expect to get healthy, natural sleep with two last names. That will age you, sure as I'm the President of Pakistan.

More soon when I've got a minute — there are barristers at my door I need to silence.

Forever.